One area I said I was going to work on this year , and it falls under my goal to INSPIRE was to confront people and give feedback; using the strategies that I got from the workshop last year.
Interestingly, I have just read the blog by Dan Rockwell about leaders and confronting people.
4 reasons why leaders dont confront he believes are;
1. self interest- what if I upset them?
2. false compassion- so easier to avoid them than upset them- thus protecting them
3. belief that confrontation is cruel
4. concern that you won’t confront well- better to avoid than have a go!
He goes on to blog about 12 reasons why leaders should (I have copied and pasted from his blog!)
12 ways to overcome fear and confront like a master:
- Believe in the ability of others. Protecting people prolongs weakness.
- Commit to serve others and make things better. Stress decreases the more you focus on serving others and bringing value.
- Reflect on past successes and failures, before confrontation. What worked? What didn’t work in the past? Confront your own failures or you’ll repeat them.
- Define what you want, but don’t practice (over-rehearse) what you say. Too much rehearsal makes you sound fake.
- Expand perspective. Pain limits perspective. All you think about is the toothache. Remember the big picture.
- Develop alternatives and chose one. Don’t look for “the” way. Find “a” way.
- Agree on issues. Confrontation means bringing up issues someone hasn’t acknowledged.
- Respond to defensiveness by asking, “What am I missing?”
- Use their language. One of the most challenging things I’ve heard was a simple question that contained my own words. I mentioned something I’d like to do, but had put on the back burner. He asked, “How could you move this to the front burner?” I immediately felt responsiblity.
- Limit scope. “Everyone feels this way,” expands issues. “Here’s what I need from you,” narrows conversations to the immediate realm of control.
- Focus on what matters. Leaders who argue insignificant points stall progress. Ego needs to win all the time.
- Build relationships that withstand confrontation. How would you treat teammates today, if you knew confrontation was coming next month?